Redefining “Perfect”: Letting Go of Control and Embracing What’s Possible
Updated 05/29/25
Take a breath. Now, define the word “perfect.”
Go ahead — pause and really think about it. What comes to mind? Be honest… are you imagining something that’s actually attainable?
Perfection, for many of us, is another word for control. It’s a fantasy where nothing surprises us, nothing hurts, nothing strays off-course. And if you’re someone who has ever struggled with your health or body image, it’s understandable that perfection might feel like the ultimate goal — or even the only way to feel safe.
But here’s the truth: perfection, as we tend to define it, doesn’t exist. And chasing it usually disconnects us from the very things that bring meaning, connection, and healing.
The Allure of Control
When I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition in my 20s, I spent years trying to “fix” my body. I internalized the idea that health — and worth — came down to control. I tried to manage every variable: every bite of food, every symptom, every sign that something might be wrong. I felt betrayed by my body, and my response was to try and outsmart it.
Sound familiar?
We often turn to control when life feels uncertain. Food becomes the focus, not because it’s the real problem, but because it’s one of the few things we think we can control. But that control is fragile. And it often comes at the expense of flexibility, joy, and trust.
The irony? The more we grip tightly, the more disconnected we become — from our bodies, our needs, and the people we care about.
What You Can — and Can’t — Control
Let’s talk about what’s actually within your influence (gentler way to approach compared to ‘control’).
You can influence:
The way you talk to yourself
How you respond to discomfort or disappointment
The boundaries you set
The choices you make with food, movement, and rest — within the context of your access, capacity, and resources
Your willingness to be gentle with yourself on the hard days
You cannot control:
How your body responds to every food or supplement
Your genetics or medical diagnoses
How others perceive you
The aging process
Random events, surprises, or setbacks
The entirety of your health or outcomes
When we recognize that health isn’t fully in our control — that it’s influenced by genetics, environment, trauma, social factors, and chance — it can bring a sense of grief. That grief is real. And it’s worth honoring.
Sitting with the Feelings
Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up. It means facing reality with compassion. And sometimes, that comes with anger, sadness, or fear.
Here are a few ways to gently hold space for that:
Name the feeling: Try saying, “This is grief,” or “This is fear of uncertainty.” Naming helps reduce shame.
Write a letter: To your body, to your younger self, to the version of you who thought perfection would solve everything.
Let your body speak: Cry, stretch, walk, dance — give the feelings somewhere to go.
Reach out: Talk with a therapist, support group, or trusted person who gets it.
Practice rest: Consider reading Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey — a powerful reminder that rest isn’t laziness, it’s liberation.
What Progress Really Looks Like
If you’re at war with your body, I want you to know this: your body is not the enemy. It’s an ingenious, adaptive, living system doing its best — even when it’s struggling. What it needs most from you is partnership, not punishment.
Real progress isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about releasing the fantasy of total control and moving toward an attitude of support and care.
As Yung Pueblo puts it, “A real sign of progress is when we no longer punish ourselves for our imperfections.”
Try This Reframe
Instead of defining “perfect” as flawless or finished, what if perfect simply meant true?
Perfect is your life — with all of its messy, nonlinear, beautiful swings of the pendulum. It’s the lesson you learned from the flare-up, the insight you gained from resting, the resilience you found after falling apart.
Perfection isn’t a state of being. It’s the capacity to keep returning to yourself with love.
You Are More Than a Project
You are not your weight, your symptoms, your productivity, or your wellness routines.
You are a complex, vibrant human being with inherent worth — no matter what.
The next time you feel pulled toward perfectionism, try to remember:
The goal isn’t control. The goal is self-love.
Your worth isn’t something to earn — it’s already here.
If you’re navigating the messy middle — trying to care for your body without controlling it — you’re not alone. And you’re doing a brave thing.
Want support in finding what realistic, compassionate care looks like for you? Let’s chat. I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider before making changes to your diet or lifestyle. Some content may have been created or refined with the help of AI and is reviewed by a qualified nutrition professional.